When is it OK to fail?

Shew,
I am glad that is over....

I waited and waited for an instant yesterday,when my life, as I know it, would change. I am now 29. I am glad to have survived yet another year, and hope that I have leaned something in the process.


The container I mentioned has been emptied, and sits at rest in Quiche, the last town with paved roads on the way to Canilla (where we live/work).  The day the guys shuffled all the contents into smaller trucks and trailers was sprinkled with blocked roads, directing traffic and lots of driving.

We have not unloaded any of the supplies yet, but I think we will begin the tedious process of unpacking and organizing all the contents so we can find it when we need it tomorrow... oh you know what? I think I am 'busy'. Bummer!!!!



L to R: Duane*,Dave, Leland, Joe, Brian, Aaron*, Ryan*
*Not from Iowa

The group from Iowa was a good change of pace, and a reminder of the wealth of knowledge that comes from experience. After they left us here in Canilla, our family took the opportunity to return to Guatemala city for a few days. We were able to take the kids bowling one night near the hotel. The swimming was the highlight, and we have had our fill of fast food and French fries for al least a months. It is always funny to me that we never ate at McDonalds or Burgerking back home, but as soon as we can, we end up at one of these 'fine' establishments during any trip to the city.
For the children, of course!

 In the days after we got home last week, I was kind of mopey. We had once again, been left behind. The McQuillen family had left us, the group from Iowa had left us.   I wanted to run away, run back home to what I know as familiar. I wanted to be able to go to church again, I wanted to be able to drive to a store, or drive to a restaurant, and just work for a living, work for ourselves like everyone else.  I kept reminding myself, and God, that this, here in Canilla, is not where I 'belong'. This is not my 'home'. I deserve to be 'home'. I belong around old barns, and John Deere tractors, and BBQ restaurants. I wondered if He was understanding, did He get it? Why couldn't He have compassion on me and let me be 'home'? Where I was comfortable, where I had all the access to things I wanted and the resources to get them, sometimes.

I went on like this for a few days. You can imagine that I really just made it worse with all my self pity. You may be thinking "How could she want to be anywhere but in the midst of what God is doing in Canilla?" Well, that is one of the things about honesty, it is not usually very flattering. I am sory if this is too honest, but I guess most people know that I have a hard time keeping anything to myself. Someone told me last week, "We don't ever have to wonder what you are thinking".... Oh well...... after a period of self loathing, my middle son was asking me a series of questions about God, and Jesus. He wanted to know what God looked like, when He was born and other typical questions you would expect from a 5 year old.  I was thinking of Jesus, and His life here, on earth, and it occurred to me, that not only did Jesus 'get it' but he lived it. He was away from home, he was about as far away from where he felt he belonged as one can get. Not only did he experience what I had been feeling, but he was not only unappreciated by the people around Him that He worked for, but was persecuted and killed by them.  

 Ouch.

So have I learned anything in the last year? Have I gotten any smarter? I hope so, at least I can now openly acknowledge that I am stubborn, hard-headed, and sometimes very self centered. I guess we know that honesty comes with age, or for me it just comes. 

We have a lot of work to do here, and as determined as I am to see the task completed, I am not so sure I am capable of all the skills one would need to do all that is required. I am not a plumber, I am not a Doctor, I am not a writer, I am not a.... well, I am actually not an anything. I never graduated college, I never had a career outside other than, actually I never held a job for more than 6 months.  I don't think anyone could be less qualified for this project than I.

I don't know who God had in mind for this task, but he got me.


       ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.   - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10



And all the more proof that He is at the helm, and I am simply along for the ride.
I only hope I can hold on.
You know what, I think he is probably holding onto me.



Inside Chapel/Prayer Room

The Chapel/Prayer Room



The ER



The ER