When is it OK to fail?

Shew,
I am glad that is over....

I waited and waited for an instant yesterday,when my life, as I know it, would change. I am now 29. I am glad to have survived yet another year, and hope that I have leaned something in the process.


The container I mentioned has been emptied, and sits at rest in Quiche, the last town with paved roads on the way to Canilla (where we live/work).  The day the guys shuffled all the contents into smaller trucks and trailers was sprinkled with blocked roads, directing traffic and lots of driving.

We have not unloaded any of the supplies yet, but I think we will begin the tedious process of unpacking and organizing all the contents so we can find it when we need it tomorrow... oh you know what? I think I am 'busy'. Bummer!!!!



L to R: Duane*,Dave, Leland, Joe, Brian, Aaron*, Ryan*
*Not from Iowa

The group from Iowa was a good change of pace, and a reminder of the wealth of knowledge that comes from experience. After they left us here in Canilla, our family took the opportunity to return to Guatemala city for a few days. We were able to take the kids bowling one night near the hotel. The swimming was the highlight, and we have had our fill of fast food and French fries for al least a months. It is always funny to me that we never ate at McDonalds or Burgerking back home, but as soon as we can, we end up at one of these 'fine' establishments during any trip to the city.
For the children, of course!

 In the days after we got home last week, I was kind of mopey. We had once again, been left behind. The McQuillen family had left us, the group from Iowa had left us.   I wanted to run away, run back home to what I know as familiar. I wanted to be able to go to church again, I wanted to be able to drive to a store, or drive to a restaurant, and just work for a living, work for ourselves like everyone else.  I kept reminding myself, and God, that this, here in Canilla, is not where I 'belong'. This is not my 'home'. I deserve to be 'home'. I belong around old barns, and John Deere tractors, and BBQ restaurants. I wondered if He was understanding, did He get it? Why couldn't He have compassion on me and let me be 'home'? Where I was comfortable, where I had all the access to things I wanted and the resources to get them, sometimes.

I went on like this for a few days. You can imagine that I really just made it worse with all my self pity. You may be thinking "How could she want to be anywhere but in the midst of what God is doing in Canilla?" Well, that is one of the things about honesty, it is not usually very flattering. I am sory if this is too honest, but I guess most people know that I have a hard time keeping anything to myself. Someone told me last week, "We don't ever have to wonder what you are thinking".... Oh well...... after a period of self loathing, my middle son was asking me a series of questions about God, and Jesus. He wanted to know what God looked like, when He was born and other typical questions you would expect from a 5 year old.  I was thinking of Jesus, and His life here, on earth, and it occurred to me, that not only did Jesus 'get it' but he lived it. He was away from home, he was about as far away from where he felt he belonged as one can get. Not only did he experience what I had been feeling, but he was not only unappreciated by the people around Him that He worked for, but was persecuted and killed by them.  

 Ouch.

So have I learned anything in the last year? Have I gotten any smarter? I hope so, at least I can now openly acknowledge that I am stubborn, hard-headed, and sometimes very self centered. I guess we know that honesty comes with age, or for me it just comes. 

We have a lot of work to do here, and as determined as I am to see the task completed, I am not so sure I am capable of all the skills one would need to do all that is required. I am not a plumber, I am not a Doctor, I am not a writer, I am not a.... well, I am actually not an anything. I never graduated college, I never had a career outside other than, actually I never held a job for more than 6 months.  I don't think anyone could be less qualified for this project than I.

I don't know who God had in mind for this task, but he got me.


       ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.   - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10



And all the more proof that He is at the helm, and I am simply along for the ride.
I only hope I can hold on.
You know what, I think he is probably holding onto me.



Inside Chapel/Prayer Room

The Chapel/Prayer Room



The ER



The ER

Kicking and Screaming!

Can you believe it, I am still alive. The in-laws didn't even dis-own me over the last post, I don’t even think they saw it, so I guess we know who my avid followers are. Who can blame them, they get to hear me talking to myself all the time anyway, why should they read it to themselves? I am sure the live version is much more entertaining!   

Here we are, April already. I am kind of sad to see it here so soon. This month will begin my last trip around the sun in my twenties. I don’t feel old, and I am not apprehensive about the big ‘three-o’, but I have all these horror stories running through my brain, of when people realized their life was near half over, or they were not quite where they hoped they would be at a milestone in their life......

  I don’t think I feel that way.

I can remember growing up and thinking that I would become a highly revered business professional, would wear fancy clothes, and would eventually, around 30 (28 actually), I planned I would find time to entertain the idea of marrying, but was doubtful I would ever have children. I still, to this day, feel a little inexperienced to have and care for a family.

 I guess all the more proof to give the credit to God for their survival… and mine.

 

We successfully completed the butchering and curing process of our second cow, and are once again eating meat! Red Meat! Aged Red Meat!

 

 

 

 

 

 

The underground foundation walls of the Hospital are all poured. We have begun backfilling all trenches and just this morning, digging some of the new channels for the underground drain and water lines.

We have had a few visitors in the last month, and tomorrow, we welcome the first hospital construction specific work team. Four men from Iowa will be joining us for a week, with hopes of getting the ball rolling on all the underground rough-in plumbing. I say with 'hopes of', because we don’t actually have any of the pipes or supplies yet. I know, I know. Sounds crazy right!

Someone asked me a few weeks ago, how we were able to coordinate a group to come down and help with plumbing, at exactly the right time. This still makes me chuckle. As a dates & numbers gal, this is definitely something I tried desperately to accomplish. No matter how may expectations we placed on the construction progress, it was always impossible to predict. There are too many variables, and unknowns, not to mention when you throw any one of us Fickers into the mix, things just get downright crazy!   
 

 

The crew unloading block onto the block stock pile

But here we are. The team arrives tomorrow, mid-day. The shipping container, loaded to the gills with plumbing supplies, is in port in Guatemala, and has been a large consumption of energy over the last two weeks to speed its release. We are expecting the container to be in-transit by tomorrow morning, and that should put the contents into Canilla, after a long day of shuffling the contents from one rig to another and driving over the last few dirt roads, Thursday evening.

So, how do we plan ahead? We don’t! I will say it again, for my own sake, WE DON’T, He does. Oh, I have tried. I will continue to try, I am sure… But I yearn to follow His lead. Sometimes kicking and screaming, and other times obliviously. Sure we make general plans, but in the end, we attempt to build our lives around how the Holy Spirit leads, that still, small voice. We are unable to ignore it, but so quick to neglect it, and convince ourselves otherwise.

I pray your lives can afford the flexibility to succumb to His Schedule, and His Agenda, and His Plan for your lives. Thank you for your prayers, and encouragement, and continued support of what we are attempting to accomplish here in our corner of the world. We are grateful for every thought, kind word, and portion of provision.