The Calm After the Storm

It never ceases to amaze me, the resilience that we have as humans against the most debilitating circumstances, only to be completely leveled by a few words carried on a harsh tone, or an un-ideal scenario in the midst of a bad day.

Yes, we are still manually loading the rock crusher.

In the days following my last post, which felt more like a one sided confession, I received an outpouring of responses. Some of them simple and sweet, other responses were encouraging from readers who interpreted my feelings as homesickness, and in them all, I felt an undeniable confirmation that I, as a missionary-blogging-momma, am responsible for sharing the honest truth, deep and real, of our lives here. So, Thank You, to every one who is out there reading faithfully, and a great big hug to those of you who took the time to respond or share our blog with someone.

We are continuing to forge ahead on all fronts. The chaos surrounding our home has been steady, and often it seems as though it is invading our living room.




Working into the dark to get the cement pad just right!

I know it can be challenging to comprehend the way in which we live here and the vastness of the project we have taken on. There are days I would like to understand less or just forget about the work that needs to be done or the supplies that we don't have, much less cant find. Those are not the days I appreciate the weight of what is continuing in my yard. Fortunately, those are also the days that growth as a Christian painfully pushes its way to the surface.

There are so many differences from the culture we knew back home, to the culture we try to adapt into here in Guatemala. The sub-culture of we have created seems normal to us now, and I am sure most of what makes traveling back to American soil so challenging, and sometime traumatic. The amount of time and energy to we see being poured into temporary happiness is usually the most drastic change we see.

I wonder if I am happy here, or should I say happier here in Canilla, El Quiche, Guatemala? (google it)  I think back to the times in my life where I was 'happy', to the point of feeling almost ecstatic constantly. I can't say there were times that I never felt sadness or disappointment, but I can remember eras of joy. Like high school marching band during senior year, I remember feeling like I was on top of the world. Then when I was dating then engaged and married to Ryan. Those first few years were irreplaceable, and yet I can still recall some very hard days, and hefty disappointments.

And then fast forward to now.... Are there days when I would rather just keep the curtains pulled, and doors closed, and pretend to have a normal life. Sure. Do I have times of homesickness? You bet! Does that change the gravity of the situation here in Canilla?  Certainly not.

I am afraid that if after the move to Guatemala I did not experience any sense of loss or longing for the people or things we miss, than what quality of life did we live before? I am reminded by the widow in the Bible who gave all she could. (Mark 12:41-44, Luke 21:1-4)  The power of her two coins was in the weight of her sacrifice. Had she given less, a more 'comfortable' donation, would she have received the same blessing? Would Jesus have taken note of her generosity had she been wealthy or middle-class? Did those two mites cost her something more than two mites? I know typically, in our American culture, giving of what we have, when we don't have 'enough' or extra is not considered logical. It seems a little crazy to give past comfortable. I wonder if He would want us live within our comfort zone, not only with our finances, but all elements of our lives. I guess you could say that this is where I feel we moved to. There should be a sign somewhere at our gate, "Welcome to Beautiful Canilla! 1,656 miles past comfortable!!!" 



Ryan enjoying his 32nd birthday gift from his family!

Those days I want to lock ourselves away, drown out all the noises, and dust and mud, and bugs! Those are the days of stretching and growth. Like I shared last time, those are usually the times when our natural, logical thinking of 'pain is bad and happiness is good', end up pushing to the surface and make it more challenging than normal to hear that still, small voice that can only come when we are listening and willing.



Meet, Fudge!!!!

Oh, I pray I am able to life my eyes beyond the dust, (and beyond the rock, the rock crusher, the skid loader, the block and cement)  and all the challenges that come from the continual cycle of progress and preparation. And when I finally am able to pry my focus off of myself, if only I can see the beauty in the storm, and the power of the sacrifice that we all make here, as missionaries, to the great commission, and to this great cause that we are so fortunate to be a part of.

My prayer is that you will find the strength to do the same in your life, whether on a small scale or a large one, and never  look back on your decision with regrets, but feel encouraged by the prospect of the future and the opportunities it may hold.

Thank you for reading, sharing in this journey with us, and your unrelenting support of the work we share here in Guatemala.