From end to end : take 2

This blog was previously published in October of 2017, but due to technical difficulties, was lost in the WorldWideWeb, and is being republished here:

In the begining

South Dakota

We have returned home after a little over a month of American travel.

Montana Snow

We were able to cover many miles with very little damage to our marriage. We started bout strong (all smiles) but towards the end we were weary travelers.
Before it was over, we went north for a stint, nearing the Missouri river in Montana, some 100 miles from Canada. I haven’t been that far north in a while. We were welcomed by friendly faces and a few inches of fresh snow. I still love the snow, but as much as I was reminded of my longing for winter, I was also reminded of Ryan’s detest for cold weather and snow.

South Dakota

We all thoroughly enjoyed our time with dear friends and as we celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary, it was fun to reminisce of the roll those friends had in helping me hook Ryan, way back then.

We enjoyed a Sunday in New Hampton, Iowa with our DOCs family and all who were able to join us for Pizza in the Park. This has become a fun event for our family, and I have been looking forward to Casey’s Taco Pizza since last year!
A big thank you for all who made it, and for the (Taco) pizza!

Were not in Kansas anymore

Norther moonlight

As we left Guatemala mid September, we were on the verge of our three year milestone. I didn’t feel like we could claim that small victory of obedience until we returned back. As we returned to Guatemala City on Friday evening, and back to Canilla the following day, I felt a sense of relief.  We had made it! Practically veterans of the field! Ha! I know right, its like nothing, a small splash in a sea of relentless obedience that surrounds me in the family I married into. I know you are expecting a ‘blog’ where I talk all about me, but the  (original) Ficker family is nearing their 20 year mark of mission-hood in Guatemala.  That’s no small feat. I guess I should celebrate quietly…
Maybe they have first prize, grand champion, but I’ll take my ‘honorable mention’ yellow ribbon, and look to the hills…. Deep breath….. I’m a tough missionary…. I’m a tough missionary…
It makes we look into the future, the near future. Last time, we hung up our boots at 18 months. I remember reminiscing before we left just a few short months ago, about bagels and Dr.Pepper, and grocery shopping alone, going out to eat, and enjoying the cool crisp autumn air.
Wouldn’t you know it, we had a week of mid 90s weather, and the Dr.Pepper and bagels weren’t quite what I had remembered.  I missed my home, my ‘family’ and my bed! We were literally gone for one tenth of the year! And what’s worse, I spent the last 11 or so months preceding the trip longing for it. I would remind myself, “Its all about the journey, ” or “enjoy the journey.”  I didn’t think I was holding ‘the states’ on a pedestal anymore, because I was aware of my tendency to do so, but I was.  I spent 90% of my life, over the past three years, mostly looking forward to the other 10%. What a waste. It’s as though I was looking through the glass of my past, and seeing my life as it was, through rose colored glasses. And then when we were there, doing the same for my life here in Guatemala.  How awful right!
What does the bible say about doing that?  What does our culture say? What does this culture say? Whose truth really matters? So many questions!!!!! Sheww.

What I am supposed to do now, going forward. I don’t want to look back, and say wow, I really enjoyed that 10% of my life, or Decembers were nice!  I do that very thing all the time. I cant wait till bed time, or maybe when my kids are out of diapers, or the when I have a better job, or when I find a man… Were a mess aren’t we, unless you’ve have decided to unassociate yourself with me, than its just me that’s a mess, and unashamed to admit it, quietly in small letters, in a small, Podunk, unpromoted public-ish blog…

No filter

Still no filter

My little brother Kevin’s death has me still working trough grief and coming to terms with his death. It will be just a year come November 1st. The most painful part for me, is thinking through his regrets. What he wished he might have done differently. If he had one more day with two strong legs, and lungs that were up to it, what would he do? Where would he have gone? And with whom?  You see, the days after Kevin’s death, I had my ear pierced, in his memoryNo. Its sounds dumb, I know. I wanted a reminder, to live each day to its fullest, and I wanted that reminder to be a little annoying, and persistent. I think Kevin would have liked that part… How do I carry on, living enough life for the two of us? Believe it or not, sitting here with you makes me feel like a rock star, and every morning when I walk out the door, I feel like I should have to pay for my private view of the mountains around me.

My 'home' in Illinois

How do I keep that rose colored filter with me, every moment of every day?
I don’t really know.
I know that my attitude has the most influence on the success of my outlook, and my outlook has a tremendous effect on my attitude. It’s a great cycle…

How many times do we miss the real beauty in life. Do we get stuck on the imperfections, or do we pick and choose which details to remember.
Is it the perception that rules the reality? Or is it the deception of our outlook that takes the beauty away?

Guatemala City street

I know that the breeze feels just as wonderful here in Guatemala as it did back in Illinois, and that I am still enjoying the rustle of the leaves. Things I felt like I would loose as we returned back down south. Little gifts to me that ring loudly in my soul. How do I not forget them?

And now we are back.
 Almost in a daze.

But as I emerge from the fog that is my state of mind, we still get back to normal life.

Runway in sight

It took me an unrealistically long time to make an extremely simple meal after a little over a month of fast food, peanut butter and social dining. So now what... I keep asking. Like its some new beginning after you come back. I can’t remember what was keeping me up at night before left town, so I made up a new list to worry about, and to keep me from playing Mary Poppins…
The hospital is still here. My kids still need to be edumacated. And they all want to be fed, what seems like constantly!
So for now, priorities are fresh, and determination is mediocre. Recipe for success, right!
I better go make something edible for lunch.
Maybe my family can use a rose colored outlook on my cooking, wouldn’t that be helpful!

Thanks again for bearing with me, if you made it this far down.

My 'home'