The Calm After the Storm

It never ceases to amaze me, the resilience that we have as humans against the most debilitating circumstances, only to be completely leveled by a few words carried on a harsh tone, or an un-ideal scenario in the midst of a bad day.

Yes, we are still manually loading the rock crusher.

In the days following my last post, which felt more like a one sided confession, I received an outpouring of responses. Some of them simple and sweet, other responses were encouraging from readers who interpreted my feelings as homesickness, and in them all, I felt an undeniable confirmation that I, as a missionary-blogging-momma, am responsible for sharing the honest truth, deep and real, of our lives here. So, Thank You, to every one who is out there reading faithfully, and a great big hug to those of you who took the time to respond or share our blog with someone.

We are continuing to forge ahead on all fronts. The chaos surrounding our home has been steady, and often it seems as though it is invading our living room.




Working into the dark to get the cement pad just right!

I know it can be challenging to comprehend the way in which we live here and the vastness of the project we have taken on. There are days I would like to understand less or just forget about the work that needs to be done or the supplies that we don't have, much less cant find. Those are not the days I appreciate the weight of what is continuing in my yard. Fortunately, those are also the days that growth as a Christian painfully pushes its way to the surface.

There are so many differences from the culture we knew back home, to the culture we try to adapt into here in Guatemala. The sub-culture of we have created seems normal to us now, and I am sure most of what makes traveling back to American soil so challenging, and sometime traumatic. The amount of time and energy to we see being poured into temporary happiness is usually the most drastic change we see.

I wonder if I am happy here, or should I say happier here in Canilla, El Quiche, Guatemala? (google it)  I think back to the times in my life where I was 'happy', to the point of feeling almost ecstatic constantly. I can't say there were times that I never felt sadness or disappointment, but I can remember eras of joy. Like high school marching band during senior year, I remember feeling like I was on top of the world. Then when I was dating then engaged and married to Ryan. Those first few years were irreplaceable, and yet I can still recall some very hard days, and hefty disappointments.

And then fast forward to now.... Are there days when I would rather just keep the curtains pulled, and doors closed, and pretend to have a normal life. Sure. Do I have times of homesickness? You bet! Does that change the gravity of the situation here in Canilla?  Certainly not.

I am afraid that if after the move to Guatemala I did not experience any sense of loss or longing for the people or things we miss, than what quality of life did we live before? I am reminded by the widow in the Bible who gave all she could. (Mark 12:41-44, Luke 21:1-4)  The power of her two coins was in the weight of her sacrifice. Had she given less, a more 'comfortable' donation, would she have received the same blessing? Would Jesus have taken note of her generosity had she been wealthy or middle-class? Did those two mites cost her something more than two mites? I know typically, in our American culture, giving of what we have, when we don't have 'enough' or extra is not considered logical. It seems a little crazy to give past comfortable. I wonder if He would want us live within our comfort zone, not only with our finances, but all elements of our lives. I guess you could say that this is where I feel we moved to. There should be a sign somewhere at our gate, "Welcome to Beautiful Canilla! 1,656 miles past comfortable!!!" 



Ryan enjoying his 32nd birthday gift from his family!

Those days I want to lock ourselves away, drown out all the noises, and dust and mud, and bugs! Those are the days of stretching and growth. Like I shared last time, those are usually the times when our natural, logical thinking of 'pain is bad and happiness is good', end up pushing to the surface and make it more challenging than normal to hear that still, small voice that can only come when we are listening and willing.



Meet, Fudge!!!!

Oh, I pray I am able to life my eyes beyond the dust, (and beyond the rock, the rock crusher, the skid loader, the block and cement)  and all the challenges that come from the continual cycle of progress and preparation. And when I finally am able to pry my focus off of myself, if only I can see the beauty in the storm, and the power of the sacrifice that we all make here, as missionaries, to the great commission, and to this great cause that we are so fortunate to be a part of.

My prayer is that you will find the strength to do the same in your life, whether on a small scale or a large one, and never  look back on your decision with regrets, but feel encouraged by the prospect of the future and the opportunities it may hold.

Thank you for reading, sharing in this journey with us, and your unrelenting support of the work we share here in Guatemala.

When is it OK to fail?

Shew,
I am glad that is over....

I waited and waited for an instant yesterday,when my life, as I know it, would change. I am now 29. I am glad to have survived yet another year, and hope that I have leaned something in the process.


The container I mentioned has been emptied, and sits at rest in Quiche, the last town with paved roads on the way to Canilla (where we live/work).  The day the guys shuffled all the contents into smaller trucks and trailers was sprinkled with blocked roads, directing traffic and lots of driving.

We have not unloaded any of the supplies yet, but I think we will begin the tedious process of unpacking and organizing all the contents so we can find it when we need it tomorrow... oh you know what? I think I am 'busy'. Bummer!!!!



L to R: Duane*,Dave, Leland, Joe, Brian, Aaron*, Ryan*
*Not from Iowa

The group from Iowa was a good change of pace, and a reminder of the wealth of knowledge that comes from experience. After they left us here in Canilla, our family took the opportunity to return to Guatemala city for a few days. We were able to take the kids bowling one night near the hotel. The swimming was the highlight, and we have had our fill of fast food and French fries for al least a months. It is always funny to me that we never ate at McDonalds or Burgerking back home, but as soon as we can, we end up at one of these 'fine' establishments during any trip to the city.
For the children, of course!

 In the days after we got home last week, I was kind of mopey. We had once again, been left behind. The McQuillen family had left us, the group from Iowa had left us.   I wanted to run away, run back home to what I know as familiar. I wanted to be able to go to church again, I wanted to be able to drive to a store, or drive to a restaurant, and just work for a living, work for ourselves like everyone else.  I kept reminding myself, and God, that this, here in Canilla, is not where I 'belong'. This is not my 'home'. I deserve to be 'home'. I belong around old barns, and John Deere tractors, and BBQ restaurants. I wondered if He was understanding, did He get it? Why couldn't He have compassion on me and let me be 'home'? Where I was comfortable, where I had all the access to things I wanted and the resources to get them, sometimes.

I went on like this for a few days. You can imagine that I really just made it worse with all my self pity. You may be thinking "How could she want to be anywhere but in the midst of what God is doing in Canilla?" Well, that is one of the things about honesty, it is not usually very flattering. I am sory if this is too honest, but I guess most people know that I have a hard time keeping anything to myself. Someone told me last week, "We don't ever have to wonder what you are thinking".... Oh well...... after a period of self loathing, my middle son was asking me a series of questions about God, and Jesus. He wanted to know what God looked like, when He was born and other typical questions you would expect from a 5 year old.  I was thinking of Jesus, and His life here, on earth, and it occurred to me, that not only did Jesus 'get it' but he lived it. He was away from home, he was about as far away from where he felt he belonged as one can get. Not only did he experience what I had been feeling, but he was not only unappreciated by the people around Him that He worked for, but was persecuted and killed by them.  

 Ouch.

So have I learned anything in the last year? Have I gotten any smarter? I hope so, at least I can now openly acknowledge that I am stubborn, hard-headed, and sometimes very self centered. I guess we know that honesty comes with age, or for me it just comes. 

We have a lot of work to do here, and as determined as I am to see the task completed, I am not so sure I am capable of all the skills one would need to do all that is required. I am not a plumber, I am not a Doctor, I am not a writer, I am not a.... well, I am actually not an anything. I never graduated college, I never had a career outside other than, actually I never held a job for more than 6 months.  I don't think anyone could be less qualified for this project than I.

I don't know who God had in mind for this task, but he got me.


       ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.   - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10



And all the more proof that He is at the helm, and I am simply along for the ride.
I only hope I can hold on.
You know what, I think he is probably holding onto me.



Inside Chapel/Prayer Room

The Chapel/Prayer Room



The ER



The ER

Kicking and Screaming!

Can you believe it, I am still alive. The in-laws didn't even dis-own me over the last post, I don’t even think they saw it, so I guess we know who my avid followers are. Who can blame them, they get to hear me talking to myself all the time anyway, why should they read it to themselves? I am sure the live version is much more entertaining!   

Here we are, April already. I am kind of sad to see it here so soon. This month will begin my last trip around the sun in my twenties. I don’t feel old, and I am not apprehensive about the big ‘three-o’, but I have all these horror stories running through my brain, of when people realized their life was near half over, or they were not quite where they hoped they would be at a milestone in their life......

  I don’t think I feel that way.

I can remember growing up and thinking that I would become a highly revered business professional, would wear fancy clothes, and would eventually, around 30 (28 actually), I planned I would find time to entertain the idea of marrying, but was doubtful I would ever have children. I still, to this day, feel a little inexperienced to have and care for a family.

 I guess all the more proof to give the credit to God for their survival… and mine.

 

We successfully completed the butchering and curing process of our second cow, and are once again eating meat! Red Meat! Aged Red Meat!

 

 

 

 

 

 

The underground foundation walls of the Hospital are all poured. We have begun backfilling all trenches and just this morning, digging some of the new channels for the underground drain and water lines.

We have had a few visitors in the last month, and tomorrow, we welcome the first hospital construction specific work team. Four men from Iowa will be joining us for a week, with hopes of getting the ball rolling on all the underground rough-in plumbing. I say with 'hopes of', because we don’t actually have any of the pipes or supplies yet. I know, I know. Sounds crazy right!

Someone asked me a few weeks ago, how we were able to coordinate a group to come down and help with plumbing, at exactly the right time. This still makes me chuckle. As a dates & numbers gal, this is definitely something I tried desperately to accomplish. No matter how may expectations we placed on the construction progress, it was always impossible to predict. There are too many variables, and unknowns, not to mention when you throw any one of us Fickers into the mix, things just get downright crazy!   
 

 

The crew unloading block onto the block stock pile

But here we are. The team arrives tomorrow, mid-day. The shipping container, loaded to the gills with plumbing supplies, is in port in Guatemala, and has been a large consumption of energy over the last two weeks to speed its release. We are expecting the container to be in-transit by tomorrow morning, and that should put the contents into Canilla, after a long day of shuffling the contents from one rig to another and driving over the last few dirt roads, Thursday evening.

So, how do we plan ahead? We don’t! I will say it again, for my own sake, WE DON’T, He does. Oh, I have tried. I will continue to try, I am sure… But I yearn to follow His lead. Sometimes kicking and screaming, and other times obliviously. Sure we make general plans, but in the end, we attempt to build our lives around how the Holy Spirit leads, that still, small voice. We are unable to ignore it, but so quick to neglect it, and convince ourselves otherwise.

I pray your lives can afford the flexibility to succumb to His Schedule, and His Agenda, and His Plan for your lives. Thank you for your prayers, and encouragement, and continued support of what we are attempting to accomplish here in our corner of the world. We are grateful for every thought, kind word, and portion of provision.

Blessings in Disquise

As we returned from Mexico last week, we rolled right into hosting our first actual 'Team'  as a ministry since we moved down last year.  It feels good to know that we survived, and possibly even handled some of the elements well, thought the group may have a completely different take on the week.

As we reach any milestone, it make me feel reflective and bloggy... that's an 'add to dictionary' term.

And in those reflections, as I have realized the unexpected perks of the job, or should I say, the perks of career volunteerment.
   
      (Yes, they require bullet points)
     

     - Bees Everywhere-  All the trees in the yard are covered in bees. The boys know this from climbing them, and being 'welcomed' with them swarming around, but I know this from observing all the blossoms. I cant say I have ever hear of orange blossoms, but the aroma is like a sweet perfume, that reminds me of the Gardenia flowers in my Grandma's back yard. The trees are filled with tine green fruits now, and I am looking forward to picking all the plump fruits in the months to come. Your right, I am looking forward to my children picking them.



     - Living on a construction site -  The biggest blessing with Ryan being Ryan, is that he is always home, even when he is working. I don't have to use the 'you just wait till your father comes home' routine, instead, I can just simply say, go tell your Dad..... I don't normally do this, because I am a softy, but I know the threat of dual parenting at any moment is always helpful. Not to mention the chance of mid morning 'how's it going' with a kiss....

     - Cockroaches - I am not so much grateful for them, as I am grateful that I am not 'freaked out' over them. They have been streaking across our floor in the evening, and I think we all pitch in with trying to catch them, with our shoes anyway, almost out of sport. Obviously, once they make contact, all bets are off. For now, we are still the dominant species, and I am holding out that the ceiling will eventually curb their presence.

     - Running out of Water - The last few weeks have been hard on our community water supply. After a few days of next to nothing coming out of the faucet, we proactively went to the river for a bath. Ryan was not interested first hand, but was there to help with the drying and bathing. I couldn't help but think about all the stories of my mother swimming and bathing in untraditional places. I know she would have loved it, and despite the foot of muck on the river bottom, I loved it also. I am already looking forward to my next excuse to drag mu family down to the river o bathe.

       - A Spontaneous Three Day (Viral) Cleanse- This was not by choice but loosing 5% body weight in 24 hours has it perks. I pray to avoid any of these in the near future, and that the rest of the family can do the same. In the mean time, I am slowly recouping. I have been standing for a few hours now, with only slight dizziness, so I think I am on the mend. I think the recovery process is the blessing here. All the family pitching in to take care of the kids, and feed them.

     - IN-LAWS- (Ha Ha!) Now, seriously, this is an easy one, for any of you who have these, you too have discovered this hidden treasure. Not only do they love your kids, (even when you need a breather)  but the can also, at least in my case, completely relate to your life, because they have lived it, 30 years in the making.



Well, if you are still with me, and I have not bored you with my ranting's, than maybe you can relate. I know we are only given what we can handle, but I feel like I should have crossed over into hands in the air, I give up, fetal position a long time ago. I am always reassured by the prayers and encouraged by the support that comes from where we least expect it.

I know we are all in this together, and I may need to read this post for myself in the coming months, or weeks, or tomorrow. I know God does not give me confidence in myself, or in my strength or bravery (lol), but in the Strength I have through Him.  I hope you can lean on Him in your life, and as we continue to work through the next few weeks together, that you would find many blessings in your life, new or newly noticed.      

PS: In Laws, Please don't be mad at me!        

Who needs a sloppy pet kiss?



Why do I always wait so long to make a blog update? I end up looking back at the pictures I have taken on my camera, and as I try to put them together into a sensible order that I can narrate, I realize my life, as I know it, well, as I've always known it, is nothing short of a crayon box filled with chalk, scissors and glue.

What a strange combination. I suppose this is typical of Do-what-needs-to-be-done-hood. I may never know what a 'normal' life is like.

But, I can rest assured that I have been hand crafted for this craziness. Equipped with the skills to get by, and lean on the One who actually has the skills( no not Ryan, though he is handy)

Progress, as you can see, has been steady and evolving. We have progressed onto the north line of the building with footings and stem walls, and we have nearly half of the stem walls poured.



The next step, is to start the plumbing that will go under the ground, and the main electrical lines also. These are two major areas of the hospital construction, and they will require a substantial amount of supplies and  materials.

It has been amazing to see all the supplies roll into a shipping container, that as of the 10th of march will begin its voyage down the Atlantic coast, into the Gulf of Mexico, and arrive in Guatemala on the 25th of March.  We are excited to see the next shipment of supplies, but at the same time, this is just a big reminder of what needs to be done.

The Well Rig also arrived recently. They have already reached 120 ft deep, and have about 500ft to go. We hope the crew can keep up the pace, and avoid any rock that might be lurking below.  We can expect another month of drilling, but if we hit rock, we can expect much longer.

It has been great to see progress here, and as we approach March, we also approach the 6 month mark for our relocating to Guatemala.
Because of this we are forced to leave the country. Tickets home are expensive, and with the project moving along, we will lake just a few days to renew our tourist visas in Mexico. I know, MEXICO! I have never been there, and as a Midwesterner, I have only read scary things about Mexico. We have decided that this is the best option for us now, and have done some research and asking around, and feel like we can brave the trip next week. I don't think it is actually much different than Guatemala, but we are looking forward to the change of pace and getting away from the construction for a few seconds.

In other news, we welcomed our new 'puppy' to the family. He is a three year old, 100 pound baby! The neighbors are slightly afraid of him, and when they ask if he is mean, I like to say 'sometimes'. He has been a fun addition to our family. We learned last week on our trip to swim in the river that he enjoys the water. He was fun to play with, but I definitely will say, that big guy lunging toward you in the water is a little unsettling. He is a sloppy, wet kisser. And the kids (just the kids) all love it.


We also ventured out and purchased a cow. We hope to giver her a little time to graze, add some weight, and butcher her in a week or two.
The cow we butchered last November is completely gone, and we have seen a high demand for more, mostly from Ryan.

We are excited to see what the future holds for our family. Our new home, is finally beginning to feel like it, and it is nice to begin to work towards long term goals, and feel as though our future will be slightly less up-in-the-air.  Next week, we will see the first work team to come help on the hospital, and we are looking forward to the boost, extra sets of hands, and time to share the message of why a hospital and why here.

Thanks for reading, and would someone please write to  me in two weeks and remind me that it is TIME to write an update on here!!!!! I fear time may get the best of me yet again.

In the muck and a sky of fire

 Life continues to press on here, as I am sure it does everywhere else. The crew has completed digging and prepping almost half the hospital footings, and we have begin pouring the concrete one level at a time. We have completed the entire west perimeter wall footings and hope to pour the stem walls over a portion of these this coming week.

 The process is intense and requires many hands on deck. They are able to pour about 16 cubic yard of concrete per day into the prepared footings if all the raw materials are ready and waiting. Ever step takes time, and there are always details that require tweaking from the time before and rethinking from what we have expected.


All in all, the progress has been good, and has shown us all just exactly what we have gotten 
 ourselves into.

The progress we have made so far has given us a better idea of what to expect, and we are able to estimate the timeline for the next year. We have had interest from churches and individuals to come down and pitch in, and we are excited by this, because it is confirmation for us that we have not been asked to bear this burden alone.

We were able to move over to the 'new' house last Sunday, and have completely vacated our previous residence. We started the move in the morning, and Ryan sealed our fate, with deciding to move all the beds first. I cant say I look forward to relocating again any time soon, but this move was much shorter and with no sad goodbyes. We are all enjoying the new house, in its almost kind-of done stage.

I am enjoying a fence around the house, for the first time in motherhood.  The gates remain latched, but without locks at this time. We only have a few escapees a day, and we are working on that.


The dust has been brutal on our house cleaning schedule. I have never been one to keep an immaculate home, but sweeping twice a day, and needing a scoop shovel (ok, not really) to take out the dirt, seems a little crazy!  

 We spent a little time yesterday on our day off, and cleaned out the horse through for a makeshift swimming hole for the kids.
There were a myriad of little swimming critters and not so nice smelling goop at the bottom. Of course, we found the drain after the fact.

Tomorrow, we will be hosting, as a ministry, an Open House/Groundbreaking/Dedication ceremony for the Hospital. We hope to have a large turnout of municipal officials as well as local and Nation supports of the project. We will cater and feed all who attend with the hope of spreading the word as to the intentions of the hospital as well as the purpose for the project as a whole. 

I hope to have some good pictures from the ceremony tomorrow. And what it looks like from here as we continue to traverse the gap between our native culture, and the native culture with Jesus and Love at the center.

Almost, again.

We started last week with digging footings and setting re-bar cages into the trenches. The guys are enjoying the work for now, and everyone is pitching in. We can hardly drag them out of the dirt, and our only savings grace is not having lights... yet!

 

 

 

Last week we welcomed the first family of this year’s annual rotation of Physicians thanks to DOCs for Hope. We are enjoying the developing community, as well as the encouragement and motivation we have seen and felt form this growing group of short and long term missionaries. We have felt a sense of renewed focus, and responsibility as we embark on the next phase for our ministry. We continue to see the great need for quality, reliable, and accessible medical care and cannot deny the opportunity to shower the love of Jesus on all the patients as they are able to receive healing medical care and the message of the gospel.

Our house is coming along nicely, and we hope to be living there in a week ( I have been saying that for about three weeks now). The ceiling will remain half completed for a month or so, but we have water and electric all done, with the septic system up and running. We worked on the bathroom, and we are hopeful to (somewhat) complete the kitchen this week. I am ready for the move, but not before we have a fence up.

With the construction moving forward, full steam, we are surrounded by heavy equipment, loads of sand and rock, and soon, a well drilling rig. The progress is great to see, but I am reminded that we will live on a construction site, immersed in all the elements that go with it. I am considering placing padlocks at each of the gates of the fence surrounding the house, to ensure no one will sneak out of the yard.

Through this, I am once again reminded that the safely of our children is no more in our hands now than it has ever been. We strive each day to rely on Gods protection over our family. All of this while we try to find the balance between using the knowledge and wisdom that we are equipped with, to be good parents, and being completely reliant on Him.

 Thank you, again, for faithfully supporting us in this ministry, and enabling us to serve here in Guatemala. We are reminded daily that we can not be here without your love and support.







The boys 'fishing'



'This is the Hospit'

Where the sky is not clouded all day, very often.

 Happy New Year to all! It is hard to believe it is a New Year!
IT is even harder to believe that we are HERE!

We saw a few days of overcast skies and some rain. It was a nice difference. The last few months have been very dry, so we welcomed some sprinkles and clouds.

Ryan and I were able to complete the butchering process last month, with lots of help from the family. We now have a freezer of beef and a willing audience to try our new menu on.

 




Jacob having fun at the dirt pile!

 The mixing process to pour the pad for the patio at our new-to-us house.

The pouring went rather smooth, and gave us some good practice with all the equipment. We tried tinting the pad to see if this may be an alternative to 20,000 sq. ft. of tile for the Hospital. I will have to show you the finished product, in a few weeks.

 

As the new year has descended, it has brought new visitors, and the hospital plans are starting to unravel into a days work and conversations.

 

The first of the years family DOCs rotation has begun, and we are so grateful to have help at clinic again for Leslie (mom). More help will come in a few weeks, and then we will have months go by, before we are without help and someone to share the burden.

Thank you for your help with sharing our burden, and stating connected with the craziness we call life.